it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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