Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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