I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
