he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
