Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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