who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
