if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
