I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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