new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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