Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I looked at my own cervix.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
