Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
