and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
