I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
