My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you win again, gameday.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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