Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize