White coat. Heels.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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