You can't special order awesome
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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