I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
