you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
try to milk me bitch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
