I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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