I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
