I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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