I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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