im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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