I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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