how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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