he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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