My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize