i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
