she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
