let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
