ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
