well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize