No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish there were birth control emojis
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
