Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
