I just cut my nipple shaving
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
