I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
