Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
