I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
