A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
