none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
