K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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