If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
