Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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