he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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