First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
