Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
