My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize