so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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