I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
