4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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