it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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