i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
