Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
