the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
