I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize