The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
