there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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