when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
