She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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