If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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