I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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