i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
