I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
