Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
