Your face is a jimmy john
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
