Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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