you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
