Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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