8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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