How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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